Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
