i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
