I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want a musical about memes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
