she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this just has baby written all over it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
