I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
