woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
