yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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