so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
