I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
