I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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