she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize