no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
