I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
