someone owes me an orgasm
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
