I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize