you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
