Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
