It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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