Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
