I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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