I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
