i permit you to call me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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