Im at strip club and am horny
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
