have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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