Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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