Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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