eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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