Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
