Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
