I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
