And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize