If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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