whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
