just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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