[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
