just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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