I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
