Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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