By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
