I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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