just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
