just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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