I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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