The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
