I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Are we still banned from the library?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
