I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
