i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
