As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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