omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
