"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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