Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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