As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
