I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
