I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
