Jerry, you need to find god
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it because I queefed?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
