Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
