I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
