when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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