She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i barfeds in our rink
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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