i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
