You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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