am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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