is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
