Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
