It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize