I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
