I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
