So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
