Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
