I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
