I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
