I puked a lego.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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