Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
