That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
do herpes really smell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize