Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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