and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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