This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
