News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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