whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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