If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
