I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
