Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
