Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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