I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
