Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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