my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
