I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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