i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
