Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
