And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
