he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
